I'm a medicine-taker
This past Monday, around 11am or so, I started having chest pains. That kinda freaked me out, you know, a pain in that area isn't something to mess around with. So, being a dude, I waited until around 9 Tuesday night to head out and go to the PatientFirst. If you're not familiar with what that is, it's one of those minor injury mini-hospital type places. A clinic, but not the free kind with all those poor people.
At 9 on a Tuesday you actually get pretty good service. I wasn't waiting around for more than five minutes at any one time; in and out in an hour. Also, I (very luckily) have insurance so the whole thing, which included an EKG, only cost me $25.
In the end it turns out the pain was just heartburn/reflux and not a real big deal. Unless it's an ulcer which, I found out, is treated pretty much exactly the same as reflux. So either way I'm in the clear!
But, and this is what sucks, they gave me medication. Nothing crazy, just some Protonix, but it has completely blown my set of standard medical answers. I'm in a whole new phase of life.
Before
Doctor: Any allergies?
Me: Nope.
Doctor: Any existing conditions?
Me: No siree.
Doctor: On any medications?
Me: Thank god no.
Now
Doctor: On any medications?
Me: ...
Doctor: Any, uh, medications?
Me: Yes.
You see?! Now I'm the "on medications" guy! You don't go back from that. You just go from medication to medication until one day you wake up and instead of making some tea and checking your email you're flipping open the little plastic "Tu" tab because it's Tuesday and you have to take that horse pill for your gout. Jesus.
Now I know lots of people are on medication, why not, people have medical problems, no big deal. But now it affects me. I have to take this shit every morning or else I feel like I'm on 24-hour heart attack watch. Believe me, people notice the constant left arm grabbing. You can't do that subtle-like.
But I'll deal with it, like I always do, with humor and understanding and sarcastic complaints. It's just like, man, there you are. Old.
At 9 on a Tuesday you actually get pretty good service. I wasn't waiting around for more than five minutes at any one time; in and out in an hour. Also, I (very luckily) have insurance so the whole thing, which included an EKG, only cost me $25.
In the end it turns out the pain was just heartburn/reflux and not a real big deal. Unless it's an ulcer which, I found out, is treated pretty much exactly the same as reflux. So either way I'm in the clear!
But, and this is what sucks, they gave me medication. Nothing crazy, just some Protonix, but it has completely blown my set of standard medical answers. I'm in a whole new phase of life.
Before
Doctor: Any allergies?
Me: Nope.
Doctor: Any existing conditions?
Me: No siree.
Doctor: On any medications?
Me: Thank god no.
Now
Doctor: On any medications?
Me: ...
Doctor: Any, uh, medications?
Me: Yes.
You see?! Now I'm the "on medications" guy! You don't go back from that. You just go from medication to medication until one day you wake up and instead of making some tea and checking your email you're flipping open the little plastic "Tu" tab because it's Tuesday and you have to take that horse pill for your gout. Jesus.
Now I know lots of people are on medication, why not, people have medical problems, no big deal. But now it affects me. I have to take this shit every morning or else I feel like I'm on 24-hour heart attack watch. Believe me, people notice the constant left arm grabbing. You can't do that subtle-like.
But I'll deal with it, like I always do, with humor and understanding and sarcastic complaints. It's just like, man, there you are. Old.
Labels: age, health, self-importance
posted by artsick at
9:08 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home