Like moths to a flame, sometimes

So now I've got the blue floaty boxes attracted to stationary red boxes, like little moths. They don't always go to them, but you can see how their paths of movement are bent when they get close. The next step is going to be, well the next two steps are going to be:

1) Getting the blue boxes to flock together
2) Attaching a red box to a blue box to see...something, I guess, I'm not quite sure.

Oh yeah! To see how well I can combine classes of objects. I'm just happy right now that I can write all the classes and it works. I ended up writing an object manager class to keep track of everything; actually, it was the only way to get the interactions between the objects working, so yeah.

Anyways, I'm pretty happy with it so far, and if you wanna check it out, it's at existence.artsick.com.

OMG, like, two little boxes are flying around the screen!

So I figured out how to convert the random movement script into a Mootools class, so that's pretty good for a Sunday. Basically, if you don't know what a class is, it means I can create tons of them quickly and easily without overwhelming the user's machine. Good times.

Right now it's just two blue boxes floating around an empty space, but hey, you can only go up, right?

Anyways, I've got it at http://existence.artsick.com; the link at the top does nothing for now, but I'm working on it.

It, uh, works in FF3 and IE7. If you don't use one of those, maybe it'll work, maybe not. The world is your oyster.

My Javascript is like school on Sunday

So I've actually sat down and begun working on the ol' game of existence, and the first problem (or "opportunity" if you're a fan of optimistic delusion) I've run into is that of classes.

Now, my vision is of a screen filled with hundreds of objects all interacting with one another and doing all sorts of cool interactive things, so it wouldn't do to have a bunch of duplicate functions all running at the same time. Very bad for the processor. So, of course, were I a for real computer science dude I would have busted out various classes by now.

You know, I do try. I like classes, I mean, a few years ago when I wrote a basic chess program in Flash I had to learn about them and found they were pretty powerful. Sure my knights moved in more of an S fashion than the traditional L, but hey man, they moved.

So now I'm trying to write classes in Javascript, which is for me an exercise in frustration. I mean, I get how to do it, it's just not doing what it's supposed to. This is a fault I have when programming, that I feel computer errors are just that, errors made by the computer. I'm telling you this, why aren't you doing that?!

I should explain that for my first object I'm just trying to get it to fly around the screen randomly, bumping off the screen edges and such. I have a hard-coded version working just fine, so I'm just trying to convert those functions to a class-ified type. I'm very close. So close, and so frustrated, that I'm considering moving all the class stuff to Mootools and working from there.

I don't know, though, I have a habit of cycling through solutions and getting them all built up and complex and then just junking them for something simple. But, perhaps, in this case simple is not the answer.

I guess I'll find out soon enough. Ah well, back to work.

How would you even make a game like that?

So I've been spending a lot of time thinking about how to begin making a game which mimics existence. The first thing I realized is that I would have to take the lazy man approach and try to disguise it as genius.

My main idea so far, or the main design so far, is a blank page with the game title and a button labeled "These things I know to exist". Clicking that button would open up a menu of the items you have created/encountered/discovered. From this menu, I think, you would be able to introduce new instances of existing items into your universe.

I think also in the menu you would have a little sandbox where you could pre-combine items to see how they react and decide if they should be included in your universe. Once created, though, you could not remove them yourself, unless other items in existence conspired to have them removed.

So you would need to create a series of creators and destroyers to keep the balance, with other inanimate (so to speak) objects floating around doing their own thing among all the action.

My big goal is to have a working universe which can live on its own, simulate decision-making and, eventually, interact with other user-created universes. But I'm going to start small.

Got my feet on the ground

So I walked into the bathroom at work today and noticed one of the stall doors was closed. I didn't like that, especially because it was the one on the far end (it offers 50% more privacy than all the rest). I always check for feet when I walk in there so I know what's what, but there were no feet showing. No feet and the door's closed, what is there to make of that?

Normally I'd just walk to the closed door, open it up and walk on in. But then today I thought, "Hey, what if there's a guy in there with no legs? Oh man, that'd be horribly embarrassing for the both of us!"

I decided my best course would be to slowly walk/sneak up to the door and try to peer through the little space between the door and the, what you call it, column of wall that the door latches into. As I approached, and my viewing angle into the interior became wider, I figured I could stop at the first sign of pants or leg stumps.

Luckily I saw neither, so I went on ahead and swung open the door. Only to find a little tiny man hanging onto the back side of the door! He had a little hat on and everything!

Man, I tell ya, it was just that kind of day.

We didn't start the fire

So I'm driving into work this morning and while I'm waiting at the stoplight I look over and notice this license plate. I won't say what it was exactly so nobody can accuse me of helping out a stalker or whatever, but it was something to the effect of "Candle For You". If you can crack that little code and put together the actual license plate, well, you should probably go work for NASA.

Anyways, more disturbing than this was the little license plate protector shield thingy they had around the plate. On the top it said "I (heart) Candles", which is kind of odd, but then on the bottom it said, "DO YOU LOVE CANDLES TOO?".

What the fuck kind of passive-aggressive body-stacker message is that? Who loves candles? I like candles I guess, when the power's out or I'm putting together a Liberace-themed party, but that's about the extent of it.

How do you love candles? "Harold, come here, this one smells like vanilla!!!" It's a candle, lady, you set it on fire. Maybe these candle lovers are just arsonists with severe OCD.

In retrospect I probably should have followed the person to their destination and run up to them as they got out of their car and expressed my undying love for scented wax. Sure it's a dick move, but you gotta make sure when people say they love candles that they love candles.

I don't like people who lie to me through license plate protectors. Just ask the guy who "loved" the Outer Banks. Hey man, if he loved the Outer Banks, what's he doing all the way up here? But yeah, I can't really talk about that one too much while everything is still ongoing.

I've got this idea for a game

I've always wanted to build a game that starts with a blank white page that eventually turns into this multi-faceted, complex game system. I know Spore is kinda like that; single-cell organisms that you guide into a civilization, but I'd like it to be more open-ended. Less logic-driven.

How do you logically program something to have no built-in logic? I really don't know. I suppose it would start with a very basic type of "if...then" reasoning, which it could eventually build upon. Or maybe even an automatic response to stimuli which it then evolves into a type of reasoning based on input.

Like you start it all by moving your mouse in a certain direction, and that draws an object on the screen. And that object is all you have or, rather, that object is all you are. And it slowly transforms and learns and replicates and turns into all kinds of cool crap you can interact with.

Maybe you don't have a particular character, you just kind of Populous-style interact with the environment. I don't know, I don't have it all worked out (obviously) but I think there's something to it.

Somebody put their disease in me

Well I'm officially sick, and it sucks. It's this post-nasal drip with a sore-when-I-swallow throat thing and the occasional joint pain; just irritating enough that I can't ignore it. I guess it's a cold or sinus infection or both, whatever, it's making my head all cloudy.

I'm not too worried, though; I'm going to be taking off work tomorrow and clearing my head with the green goddess that is NyQuil. I know some people don't like it, but honestly it's the champagne of cold remedies. Mostly because, like champagne, it's filled with alcohol and makes you all woozy.

I don't think I've ever read a set of ingredients like those on a NyQuil bottle. It looks to have enough sedatives to allow you to undergo minor surgery. I don't know personally, but 10,000 mg seems like a lot for a drug with the root word "morpho".

I do like how the DayQuil version is the exact same as the nighttime version except the quantities are simply halved. That's got to be the laziest pharmacological math ever.

"Well we got this shit that'll knock out a horse for eight days, but we need something so you can still function at work and while driving on the highway."

"I don't know man, just put in, like, half."

I'm no doctor, but taking half a handful of heavy sedatives doesn't make you alert. It's kinda worse because it puts you in a zombie state where you think you're okay, but only because you're looking at yourself from outside your body and everything just seems cool. Not good for driving.

"Man, turns out I'm a real snappy dresser! Nice hair, too. Oh hey I like this song, turn up the ra-DUDE HIT THE BRAKES!" And then you're paralyzed. True story.

So anyways, that'll be my day tomorrow. Not the paralyzed part, hopefully, unless some shit goes way wrong, but the general snooziness of it all. And then Friday I'll be ready to get back to work and party hard come the night! Treatin' this body right!

Welcome to Moe's, you f*cking vegan!

So I go to Moe's, as is my wont, and yet again navigate the gauntlet of toppings slingers who stand between me and my 8lb burrito. The only real option for a vegan at Moe's is the Art Vandalay (hilarious!), which is just a plain ol' bean burrito.

The challenge here comes in the slice of time between the beans being added and the cheese being offered. Actually "offered" is a poor choice; maybe "loaded" is better. I swear the last time I went the guy seriously grabbed a handful of cheese and hunched over the burrito ready to strike.

"NO! NO! NO CHEESE!" It should've been in slo-mo, it was that dramatic. Now I realize for most people the cheese is a formality and maybe one person out of fifty doesn't want it, but that's no reason to make me feel like I'm disarming a nuke back here behind the glass.

The guy was, no joke, dejected that I didn't want the cheese. I can't be sure because I couldn't see his feet, but I think I heard him kicking a tiny tin can.

So what are the options, right? Lettuce, tomato, onions, jalapenos (chopped or sliced), cilantro, olives, and some other shit probably. Oh but what about the grilled vegetables? Hey man they got grilled onion, mushroom, and peppers! Sweet!

What's that? They charge $1 for each one? This is rude on the part of Moe's I think. I mean, I know they gotta charge for shit and make money, but at least combine all three into one mix-grilled vegetable topping for chrissakes. I'd feel a lot less ripped off if I wasn't paying a 1000% markup on a goddamn fungus.

[hours pass]

Wow, I really think about Moe's a lot. Huh. Well, I should go to bed. On top of my wonderment at this critical deconstruction of a semi-Mexican chain restaurant, I'm also getting sick. RocK!

A pen, a man, a ship: Fraud!

So I go to the post office today to mail some packages, nothing crazy, I do it somewhat often. Anyways, I'm paying with my business card (la-dee-da) when it is brought to my attention that I have not signed the back of my card.

It's 4:30, I'm feeling particularly lazy, so I give it the signature I usually reserve for Kroger receipts. Which is to say, a languorous scribble. Fine by me, but not so fine I find out by the USPS.

"This doesn't match the signature on your driver's license." UHOH.

"Oh, sorry, I just did a quick signature, I can make it look like the one on the license if you want." This I immediately realize is tantamount to saying, "Sorry man, this is my first forgery."

But the guy behind the counter takes it in stride, or he's just trying to get me out of his line as I whip up numerous clever ways to prove my identity.

"My name is on the business card, and these packages are labeled with the business name which is also on the credit card!" My attempts at free-form conditional logic fail miserably.

"Just swipe the card."

So I swipe the card, whatever happens with all that happens, and I'm presented with the receipt. Finally a chance for redemption! I sign it like it's going to free the slaves and hand it back smiling proudly.

"This one matches," he says with what I detected was a hint of relief. Relief either at my success or that he didn't have to call in a takedown but, you know, any port in a storm.

And to cap everything off, on the way in to the post office I ran into my vet. Okay, that's not a "cap" per se since it happened earlier, but it was the undercoating of my whole experience, plus it was less interesting so I left it till the end.

Anyways I ran into her and it's real awkward running into your vet, if you don't know.

"Hey, I know you, you're-"

"The vet."

"Yeah, sorry I forgot your name."

"[name here]"

"Oh right, yeah you had your finger up my dog's ass a couple weeks ago. What's shakin'?"

That would have been less awkward and more interesting I think than the actual conversation, so I'll just leave it at that.

Kingdom of Loathing: Day 16

So I'm still playing, which means I'm likely in the midst of another short-term game addiction. As with Trukz, I have very few bad things to say at the moment, but I can see a point at which I'll get bored and give it on up. Apparently the game designers have made it so that past that point there's new stuff to do, but we'll see.

Basically, the main game runs like a turn-based role-playing quest-type thing. You pick a character type (I'm an Accordion Thief) which each has its own particular special strength, then you go around running mini-quests and picking up items, increasing attributes, etc. It's way more complex than I'm laying it out, but that's the idea.

Honestly I would suggest to anyone looking for an online game to go play it. There are tons of other blogs, forums, strategy sites, etc. out there so I won't go into game mechanics, but it can actually take some thinking/looking stuff up to really get the most out of it. Plus, the writing is very clever and actually worth reading.

I can't really convey how awesome the game is right now, so I'm just going to show a pic of a small selection of my current inventory, maybe that'll help.


And you can combine shit together to make custom stuff. There, that should be enough for now.

Men at Work

I was driving back to the house this morning to help Rowan get the birds up and make some lunch when my path was blocked by some dudes doing road work.

This normally doesn't bother me, just gotta take a different way home, no problem. What did bother me was the sign these guys were using to alert me to their presence.

Not "Men Working" or "Utility Work Ahead" or even a simple "Detour" sign, no, I was greeted with a sign which read "YOUR SUPPORT HELPS OUR FAMILIES". What the fuck is that all about?

I mean, a) You work for the city, if I don't "support" you with tax money then I go to jail, and b) Come on, what the fuck? By support does that mean that I should be harder on the roads, or abuse utility lines so these guys have more work to do? Should I flat out refuse to call Miss Utility and order up that backhoe I've been meaning to try out?

What a wasteful sign. And they were blocking the whole road! I got halfway down the block past their little guilt-trip alert before I even knew what was going on. Fuck them and their families. Just for that I'm wrapping my tires in cotton batting and taking fewer showers to save water. How you like them apples guy with a family and work ethic?