So Rowan's out of town this week and I'm now left to my own devices. Aside from taking care of the various dogs/cats/birds which inhabit our home, I must also somehow take care of myself. I've got the bathing bit down so that's not an issue so far. As for food, we'll see.
My trip to the grocery store
I would like to say, to begin with, that I'm not the stereotypical hapless male who's completely useless in the kitchen and when his lady leaves he somehow loses his ability to think and ends up on a diet of uncooked rice and chocolate sauce.
I say that because the list of items I brought home, which is coming up, may lead you to think that by Tuesday I'll be reaching for the Hershey's. Not true!
- Totino's Party Pizza (Cheese) x2
- "Flame Grilled" Boca Burgers
- Thomas' Bagel Squares
- Kraft Deli Deluxe (Sharp) cheese slices
- Heinz Vegetarian Beans x2
- 8oz. Dr Pepper 6-pack
- Simply Limeade
- Abita 20th Anniversary Pilsner
- Graystone Chardonnay (product of Moldova)
Wine tastings are a scam
It's that last item, the wine, that is most out of place. I went into the beer/wine store to just pick up a tasty six-pack and be on my way. But the two dudes from Graystone had other ideas. I don't know how much this happens to any of you, but it's rare for me to walk into any sort of store and have someone ask, "Free alcohol?"
I said sure, I'll give it a try. These guys with the wine, they had a strange idea of what the word "taste" means. I assumed they would pour out maybe a mouthful of wine or so, enough for you to get the scent and the flavor but not enough to really mess anyone up. I don't know, maybe they got their start running $2 pitcher night down at Gulliver's Navels or some other similarly named made-up college bar.
In short, they were pouring whole glasses.
First they had a Pinot Grigio, which was good, but I wanted to feel like I knew more about wine than I really did. So I asked for a taste of the Chardonnay, because I believed it would be more "oaky". And oaky it was.
So then the guy who'd been pouring tells me these wines are from Moldova. I say, "Oh really, Moldova?" as if I didn't believe him. Then he asks, "Do you know where Moldova is?"
Now, I don't like people asking me questions they already know the answer to, especially in public. So I said, "I don't know, is it an island?" Turns out it's not an island, but rather a country between Romania and the Ukraine. My second guess!
Actually, I later realized that when I said I thought it was an island, I was getting Moldova confused with Moldavia, the country on Dynasty where they set the 5th season cliffhanger. Turns out that wasn't an island either; I was just plain wrong all over.
Finally, after the tasting and pop quiz, I bought my bottle of Chardonnay and my Abita and walked on back to the car. Then, as I was sitting there, I thought, "Did I really want to buy a bottle of wine?" Obviously I didn't go in there with that in mind, but somehow they'd finagled it out of me.
I wasn't upset with the purchase, it's a tasty wine, and at just $10 it's probably a good deal. I just sort of felt like I had walked into the Lottery building and they were having a free scratch-ticket giveaway and all the cards were winners.
After a couple of tickets you're eight bucks to the good and they look at you and say, "You're on a real streak there, imagine how much you could win if you actually bought a ticket."
Why, I'd be a fool not to!